§ dated 5th Dec. 1811; which was produced in Evidence, upon the Trial of the said BENJAMIN WALSH, at the Old Bailey.
§ "My dear Joe;
§ "How to acquaint you with the step I have taken, or in what terms you will think of your poor brother's conduct, I am bewildered in conjecturing; but I know your affection for me, will induce you to judge charitably of me; and I trust that I shall yet be remembered by you, if not with esteem at least with pity.
§ "This last blow, of which I can now scarcely entertain a doubt, deprived me of all hope of extricating myself from the difficulties in which I was involved; and upon looking into them, I found them much 941 greater than I had imagined.—My commission business, which I expected would increase, has become a hopeless resource, as it would furnish but a very small portion of my expenditure; and every attempt that I have made, to assist by other means, has ended in failure and loss.—I did look forward with hope to the connection I proposed to you; and if this late unfortunate event had not occurred, I think it possible I might have struggled through, as I have no doubt it would have answered our utmost wishes; and I trust that you will persevere in it with the fullest success. But I saw that it was impossible for me to provide the means, and there was no chance of saving myself from ruin, and my dear wife and children from poverty, and my brothers and sisters from loss by me, which they could ill afford, but to pursue a step, which though it will bring disgrace on my name, yet will afford me the means of preventing these dreadful calamities. You, who know my principles, may well conceive that to resolve on a direct dishonest act, must have given me much pain; but when I pictured to myself my sweet children in want, I resolved to take the means for their support from one, to whom the loss would be but imaginary, as his fortune and accumulations far exceeded his expenditure; and his mercenary disposition would have induced no one to regret his loss.—I have not had the opportunity I looked for with this person (Mr. O.)—but it has been afforded me by another, who though in a great respect free from the latter imputation, yet has every advantage of the former.—He has ever been a kind friend to me, and I fear the act will add ingratitude to the crime; but I had no other chance, and the die is now cast.—Oh! my God, pardon my heinous offence.—Sir Thomas Plumer employed me to sell a large sum of stock to pay for an estate, and I have withheld a part of the proceeds. I might have taken all; but I thought it crime enough for my future life to answer for, to take what I conceived would be sufficient to maintain my family in competence, and pay those debts which hung the heaviest on my mind.—I have already remitted it abroad; and though my person is safe from arrest, yet I have resolved to follow it, as I can never live in this country without shame and dishonour. It has been a heart-breaking struggle to leave you all; and I know I shall cause you great affliction, where I would bestow no- 942 thing thing but happiness What will my poor Mary say, if she hears it in her present state?—She thinks me gone to Ireland; and there is a hope that it may be concealed from her till after her confinement, which she expects in about a week, if it should not get into the newspaper; though it may be possible that sir T. P. may not make it public at all—at all events it cannot be known till the beginning of next week.—I must impose the affecting duty of communicating it to her upon you and dear Jane, as circumstances may arise or as you shall judge best.—I enclose three letters, which you can use as you think fit, according to their dates, and send them to Hackney by the stage in a parcel with the newspaper from the office—they will I think carry Mary over the first part of her confinement.—It breaks my heart to be from her at such a time; but I shall pray night and day for her safety,—I cannot yet write to her on this fatal subject.—Pray palliate my conduct as much as you can, and assure her that my affection for her and the dear children will never forsake me.—I cannot hope to see them again for along, long time, and I shall be an unhappy outcast upon the earth; but I will not fail to think of them with the sincerest affection, and will remit sufficient for their support.—You will find I have left with you what will last for some time, and when our thoughts are more at ease, we shall be able to form some settled plan.—The house, and great part of the furniture, belong to my father's estate; and I think it will be better that you should take possession of it as executor; the lease is at Daun and Crosland's.—Mary, I hope, will still reside in it.—You can in confidence consult Tilson; or perhaps it will better Mr. Potts or Mr. Milne.—The bills for repairs and furniture you had better pay, and have them made out in your name.—I have paid in part, Rumens 60l.—Shepherd 30l.—and Simmons 20l.—In my drawer you will find the inventory of furniture sold to my father, which is to be deducted from his claim on W. and N.'s estate. You had better remove whatever plate is not mentioned in it, as perhaps execution may possibly be taken out; though it cannot happen without process, which will take some time-however, this you will consult on.
§ "And now, my dear brother and sister, may God ever protect and bless you; you will never be absent from my thought or my prayers,—I have 943 ever experienced from you the kindest most disinterested and affectionate attention—would to God that we might yet see each other—the most distant hope would be some consolation—but I dare not indulge it:—my dear sisters, too, what will they say or think of me?—I must beg you, I Cannot write to them—pray say every thing you can for me.—I must beg you too, when necessary, to apprize the Clarke's of this event.—Our two families are almost the only real friends I believe remain to me—but what a task do I impose on you.—Only say that you forgive me, and that I have not wholly lost your affectionate regard, and it will afford some comfort to your afflicted, vet affectionate brother, Angel Court", Dec. 5, 1811. B. W."
§ "I will write to you as soon as I can fix where you can direct to me.—The post from Dublin is three or four days; you can make it more, if necessary, with the excuse of contrary winds."